It was really nice not to be an adult for a while back home. I don’t mind getting up and going to work, it gives me something to do with my day. The rest of it though? The paperwork and the bills and the responsibility?
I don’t like all of that. Not at all. It’s a pain in the ass. I just want to drink coffee and read and work and deal with nothing else.
Nope, no Tops in Blue for me this year.
My last post is a link to my Tops in Blue audition video and nothing else. A few of you asked for it, so there it is. Feel free to criticize. I’ve had a cold since I got back to the US, I don’t think the States agree with me anymore. A friend said that it might be my sudden withdrawal from Soju but…okay, so maybe ;p
Things have been good at home for the most part. I haven’t been to see Thom’s grave yet. I really need to, as I have less than a week and a half left.
My Grandma fell and broke her butt last week. Literally. I don’t remember what the bone is called but apparently it’s part of her butt. She has only eaten a few bites since then, she won’t even eat ice cream. She loves ice cream. My Aunt is with her, but Grandma lives so far away from all of her children. It’s hard. She’s in NC and everyone else is upstate PA or just across the border in NY. She pulled out her IV last night and her potassium levels suck. She won’t drink liquids or eat anything and is refusing a feeding tube. Mom and Aunt Robin are talking about Aunt Robin bringing her up so she can spend her last days with her children.
My older brother hasn’t spoken to my parents in years unless he needs something specific from them. He didn’t call when my Dad’s Mother died or when a turkey went through my Dad’s windshield a couple weeks ago (he’s fine). I told him about Grandma and offered to help fund a plane ticket up and he said he’d ask about getting the time off. Maybe Grandma dying will bring him back to the family. I don’t want her to die. I love her so much. But if some good can come of the inevitable then I guess that’s…positive.
Grammy…she’s so silly. She’s one of those ladies that will normally let people walk all over her, including her husband. Both of the ones she’s had. Her first husband, my Mom’s Dad, when their youngest girl was born he went in to the room and said, “this is what we’re naming our baby” and she was like, “okay” and he left and she named her something completely different.
Then when he left her for another woman, she raised six kids all by herself. My Mom was the youngest then (the youngest, Ray Suzanne, died as a toddler) and I think she was in middle school. Her Mom worked so many hours to keep them clothed and fed with a roof over her head. She was so strong then.
Then she married Al. I love Al. He’s the only Grandpa I’ve really gotten to know, Mom’s Dad died when I was about 8 and Dad’s Dad died when Cooper was just a baby. Al scared me when I was little. Mom says I used to hide behind the couch because he’d yell at me. I don’t remember that, but I do remember how upset he was when my first boyfriend was black and how proud he was when I joined the Air Force. He’s been fine with me since then, but he’s never been able to stand my Mom. He convinced my Grandma not to come up here when she was healthier and now he can’t take care of her.
I love her so much. I don’t want her to die. And I hope that Aunt Robin does bring her up cuz whether or not she goes soon, it would be really nice to see her.
I am trying to make my audition video. This song…I’ve done it thousands of times in front of people perfectly (well. Close). And now? Now when I need to do it perfectly my voice shakes every time I try to hold a note. I hate this.