Right now I just want to talk to someone. Talk to a human being in person. I don’t even care much who it is, just that they are physically here. At the same time, I’ve been conditioned to see tears as a weakness (they’re a normal human function, but no one has died or is sick. It’s just been a crappy day) and to feel that my problems have no place in someone else’s world. They’re my problems, so I should take care of them. Change what I can, accept what I can’t, and move on from there.
Maybe it’s because I know how I feel when people complain excessively to me about their lives. I want to snap, “stop being a whiny brat and get over your shit. You’ve told me about how horrible your boyfriend is for the last three weeks. You can break up with him or shut up”. It’s fine if you need to talk to someone, but if all you’re doing is complaining about something that you can fix then why are you making someone listen to you go on and on about it?
And that’s how this is. Right now. My problem. I can fix this, but I don’t want to. Doing so would probably be painful, and it would be a lot of work. It could ruin a friendship or two, and I’m not ready for that. The fix is so very simple, but all I want to do is talk to another human being about it first. Get some perspective on this thing. Hear the opinion of someone who isn’t involved in all of the shit.
But the tiny nagging voice won’t go away…“no one wants to hear about it”.