Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

Remember your childhood for a moment.

When was the first time you felt fear while completing a task so common that you could do it in your sleep?

Fear of heights, small spaces, telling the truth to those we love. When do those fears start to haunt us?

Most children are painfully honest, and brave to the point of recklessness. So when do we learn that if we climb too high, it could end badly? I never fell out of a tree, no matter how high up I went. I’ve never broken a bone, yet now I have a hard time jumping off of the 8 foot wall on the obstacle course because fear is a powerful drug.

My parents love me to death, and no matter what I tell them that love won’t go away. But there are some things they’ll never know. I am afraid of their disappointment, even though I know that love is a stronger emotion. For them, anyway.

Yesterday I was running, and I felt the urge to do a forward roll. I haven’t rolled since karate class in 10th grade, and I want to be able to now. I was afraid, so I didn’t do it. Who’s afraid of doing a forward roll? One of the simplest things. One of the first “acrobatic” moves I learned. And I was afraid of the embarrassment that would come from fucking up something so simple where everyone could see.

I don’t want my life to be lived in fear and I am not sure how to stop that from happening.

In May I am going bunjee jumping. I face my fear of falling constantly, but it never gets better. When I look down from the obstacle course ledge I literally freeze because fear is more powerful than I am. No matter how reckless I am and no matter what I do to try and force the grip of fear to loosen, it’s still there. Ever present.

What fears control your adult life?


20 thoughts on “Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

  1. theinfiniterally says:

    All of them.

  2. bearonthecouch says:

    This whole post reminds me of Divergent. I always figured the whole Dauntless setup was unfairly biased against people who are afraid of heights/jumping/falling. Which isn’t a problem for me.

    But what fears control me? Social anxiety, fear of being judged by other people, fear of being alone forever because of the isolation caused by the first fear, fear of attachment/extreme commitment issues and avoidance. Also claustrophobia and drowning. Enclosed spaces fuel panic attacks, and although I LOVE the ocean, I cannot ever bring myself to “enclose” myself on a boat. I fear not being in control of possible escape routes. I seat myself on the aisle at movie theatres and airplanes and lecture halls and even church, and I get twitchy when I can’t. Even my car can feel too confining with the windows up.

    • This post reminds you of Divergent because it’s what I’ve been reading since Friday :p I’m on the last book. It made me think.
      Four was afraid of heights, and he still made it work.

      • bearonthecouch says:

        He definitely did. It’s just that like the whole first jump thing, or even the train situation, could wash you out if that was your big issue. Whereas, none of my big fears would even come into play until the simulation, by which point you’d have had some time to adjust and learn some coping strategies

  3. hmm my total copout answer is that i’m afraid that every day will be monday.

  4. bearonthecouch says:

    I’m talking about how if you were paralyzed by fear of heights or falling, you have a high chance of not even making it to the simulation in the first place. In actual terms, you’d probably be routed to a faction other than Dauntless. Which is probably what happens to most people no matter what they’re afraid of. Which is sad, because everyone should learn that they’re capable of facing their fears.

  5. Humor_Me_Now says:

    My fear was of women. I did get married, but they intimidated me and I did not trust them.. I still had a successful career and did not get into any trouble. lol I think my fear saved me lots of trouble.

  6. Ampbreia says:

    Sometimes if you get an unreasonable feeling of dread, it really is a warning from you superconciousness to take care. Other times, who knows? But if it limits you too much, it’s better to face up to it instead of running from it so you can get over it and move on.

This is where the cool people talk about Pirates.

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