Remember your childhood for a moment.
When was the first time you felt fear while completing a task so common that you could do it in your sleep?
Fear of heights, small spaces, telling the truth to those we love. When do those fears start to haunt us?
Most children are painfully honest, and brave to the point of recklessness. So when do we learn that if we climb too high, it could end badly? I never fell out of a tree, no matter how high up I went. I’ve never broken a bone, yet now I have a hard time jumping off of the 8 foot wall on the obstacle course because fear is a powerful drug.
My parents love me to death, and no matter what I tell them that love won’t go away. But there are some things they’ll never know. I am afraid of their disappointment, even though I know that love is a stronger emotion. For them, anyway.
Yesterday I was running, and I felt the urge to do a forward roll. I haven’t rolled since karate class in 10th grade, and I want to be able to now. I was afraid, so I didn’t do it. Who’s afraid of doing a forward roll? One of the simplest things. One of the first “acrobatic” moves I learned. And I was afraid of the embarrassment that would come from fucking up something so simple where everyone could see.
I don’t want my life to be lived in fear and I am not sure how to stop that from happening.
In May I am going bunjee jumping. I face my fear of falling constantly, but it never gets better. When I look down from the obstacle course ledge I literally freeze because fear is more powerful than I am. No matter how reckless I am and no matter what I do to try and force the grip of fear to loosen, it’s still there. Ever present.
What fears control your adult life?