Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

Remember your childhood for a moment.

When was the first time you felt fear while completing a task so common that you could do it in your sleep?

Fear of heights, small spaces, telling the truth to those we love. When do those fears start to haunt us?

Most children are painfully honest, and brave to the point of recklessness. So when do we learn that if we climb too high, it could end badly? I never fell out of a tree, no matter how high up I went. I’ve never broken a bone, yet now I have a hard time jumping off of the 8 foot wall on the obstacle course because fear is a powerful drug.

My parents love me to death, and no matter what I tell them that love won’t go away. But there are some things they’ll never know. I am afraid of their disappointment, even though I know that love is a stronger emotion. For them, anyway.

Yesterday I was running, and I felt the urge to do a forward roll. I haven’t rolled since karate class in 10th grade, and I want to be able to now. I was afraid, so I didn’t do it. Who’s afraid of doing a forward roll? One of the simplest things. One of the first “acrobatic” moves I learned. And I was afraid of the embarrassment that would come from fucking up something so simple where everyone could see.

I don’t want my life to be lived in fear and I am not sure how to stop that from happening.

In May I am going bunjee jumping. I face my fear of falling constantly, but it never gets better. When I look down from the obstacle course ledge I literally freeze because fear is more powerful than I am. No matter how reckless I am and no matter what I do to try and force the grip of fear to loosen, it’s still there. Ever present.

What fears control your adult life?

Femmé

In common practice, a Lioness hunts for her family while the Lion struts around playing at being god and impressing the young. The Woman deals with abuse and hurt and anger and puts on a smile for her young. We put up with pregnancy while holding full time jobs that are equally as stressful as those of our male counterparts, and we are usually under the direct supervision of a male that does not understand during that time. “Oh, your body is completely aching? it can’t be that bad. There’s just a human growing inside of you.”

I know. I’ve been there.

We build all of our roads on today, cuz tomorrow is too uncertain for plans. Future falls down in mid flight, but if we fall down with it we’re failures.
And we cannot bear the thought.

“Your body is made of the same elements that lionesses are built from. Three quarters of you is the same kind of water that beats rock to rubble, wears stones away. Your DNA translates into the same twenty amino acids that wolf genes code for. When you look in the mirror and feel weak, remember, the air you breathe in fuels forest fires capable of destroying everything they touch. On the days you feel ugly, remember: diamonds are only carbon. You are so much more.”

So why am I still so defensive when the worst that some stupid Marine can think to call me is a “girl”?

Most Female Killers Use Poison

by theapplepielifestyle on Tumblr

Think about the first name you were ever called,
and then think about how long it took until
you got called a “pussy”
or a “slut”,
or a “bitch”,
or a “whore”,
all of which are words that fall too close to “girl”.

Think about the first time you got called a “girl”
and they said it with a sneer.
Like it was a bad thing.
For a boy, it is the lowest degradation to get called a girl.
For a girl, it is the lowest degradation to get called a girl.

Remember, black widow spiders and female praying mantises
eat their partners after intercourse.
Remember, it’s the lionesses who hunt.
They come back with bloody muzzles,
dragging bloated carcasses as the alpha lion strides around
with his mane puffing out.
Remember, it’s only the female mosquitoes who drink blood.
We’re the ones who do the necessary work,
dirty our hands,
fuck or fight or both.
We’re often the smaller sex, which
makes us a harder target
as we slink close and sink our teeth in.
Remember: we’re deadly.
You should be proud to be called a girl.