I had a panic attack last night.
It has been over a year since the last one. I thought I was past them.
It was over the stupidest, littlest thing. My flight money came in finally and I wanted to pay off my card. It’s not due for a month, but I wanted it over with and I couldn’t find my card. My room was a mess when I came back to myself. I tore it apart looking.
My heart was beating so fast and the hyperventilating made me feel as though I couldn’t breathe (even though I know in my brain that that’s not the case). I thought I was going to die. That’s how I felt after the first few too. When I got used to them before, I figured out little tricks. Ways to trick myself into calming down – especially in public. Panic attacks used to be my best friend. The only thing I could rely on. One of the reasons I’m so damn anti-social.
I sobbed for like half an hour. I’m twenty-two years old. It is time to put this crap behind me. There is absolutely no need for this shit.