Every day. Except for 4 and 6.
1. “Are you dating anyone?”
Chances are that if you weren’t dating anyone last week, you probably aren’t dating anyone this week. You realize this is just another attempt by mom and dad to let you know that the only date you’ve been on in the past six months was with a bald, widowed, accountant named Doug who wore oversized khakis, comfort fit Sketchers, and had a weird, erotic obsession with birds.
2. “Have you ever considered marriage?”
You’ve been thinking about getting married since you “married” a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio in the first grade. Your parents officiated so you know they’re only asking to remind you that you’re 28, Leo is dating a German supermodel, your vagina is drying up faster than the Sahara, and they want grandchildren.
3. “Are you going to the gym today?”
You haven’t been to the gym in three weeks and you have…
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