Overwhelming fear

Sometimes I remember that in five months and seven days I’ll be moving to Korea, and I smile.  I smile like it’s the best thing that could ever happen.  And it’s going to be an amazing adventure!  I’m so excited to do this!  To get out of my comfort zone and experience new people and new places!  It’s going to be fantastic!

And then other days I think about it and there’s this fear that hits me.  I have to move away from everything I know.  Everyone I love.  What do I do?  How do I stay in contact?  How do I cope at work without my best friend Michelle?  How do I survive the weekends without wine time at Stephanie’s (and then inevitably crashing on her bed and waking up to her making the most delicious fucking breakfast in the history of the world all from scratch cuz she’s super awesome)?  

My family will be like 7,000 miles away.  I have never been more than 1,000 or so…that was in high school, when I was at boarding school in Iowa.  There were a lot of South Korean kids at the boarding school, and I don’t know how they did it.  Granted, none of us were near home (except the kids whose parents worked there), but 7,000 is a shit ton more than 1,000.  How do I cope?

I am so dependent on my family.  On my friends.  I’ll make new friends, and they will have to become like family to me, but it’s not the same.  I survive on the hugs that I receive from my parents every couple months when I go home to see them.  On their smiles when they understand that I haven’t fucked up yet like my older siblings.  I call my Mother almost every day – usually more than once.  Her voice is the soundtrack of my life, and it keeps me grounded.  

I’m tearing up writing this.  I can’t cope thinking about leaving them.

But I did join the military.  I am a strong woman.  I do want to go to Mars someday, and that is at least 33.9268566 million miles (google just helped me a lot) away from home.  I will survive if I make it there, and the first test of that is only 7,000 miles away in Korea.  

I’m going home in a few days because we have a four day weekend for the fourth of July, and I don’t know if I can bring myself to come back.

Of course, I always DO come back.  I make myself.  I have to.  I signed up for this.  But sometimes the urge to drive off a cliff is crippling.

The End

So my wonderful week long vacation has come to a close.

I suppose it had to happen sometime, but why oh why was that time so soon?

This morning Anna slept until 1000 ((good thing, seeing as it’s the end of her vacation too)). We went and played in the waves for not nearly a long enough amount of time, ate some delicious food, and are now in Maryland.
The three hour trip to MD took four and a half hours. I freaking hate love traffic with my entire being. It’s wonderful.

Because it’s Friday, my friends were bored. We’re the people who never actually go out and do things. We stay in with whatever concoction Stephanie has cooked up, a glass of wine, and ourselves. Of our group, Steph is the “Mom”, Michelle is the “Grandma”, and I’m the young crazy drunk kid. I suppose.
Steph is “Mom” because she always makes sure we’re okay. She’ll call from work to see if we need her to pick up anything on her way home (we all live within a mile of each other). She knows everything even when we haven’t told her, and she scolds us all the time.
Chelle is the “Grandma” mostly because she turns in earlier normally. But also, she’s very kind, caring, and sassy. Just like the ideal old person! She’s already making plans for her six month old son and Steph’s not-yet-conceived baby girl, and it’s adorable. I think Chelle is starting to get younger as she gets older, but we’ll see what’s up.
I’m the young crazy drunk kid cuz hi have you met me?
I’m not actually a drunk. I don’t actually enjoy being drunk either…but drinking is a favourite pastime of mine. If you bring me a slushie I’ll probably pull out my flask and add my liquor of the day. Also, I act more drunk when I’m sober than when I’m actually drunk. Drunk me likes to sleep. Sober me will ((this happened earlier)) try and open your fridge door from the wrong side, and get so frustrated that the door won’t open that I actually end up pulling it out from it’s spot on the wall.
Hi. I’m Molly, and my vacation is over.
And Anna says ((this is an exact quote)), “your friends are so awesome. They’re like super heros or something”.

What is this, Day 4?

Today Anna took me out for a very nice breakfast.  There was coffee involved, so all was grand.  Afterwards, we checked out of our crappy no-coffee motel where the neighbors screamed and cussed at each other until three in the morning, and went down to the beach.

Let me tell you guys…I love the beach.  I really, really love the beach.  And if it were just me here alone (which I’m considering doing for multiple weekends this summer), there would be no issues at all…but I forgot how grumpy Anna gets when she’s a little sunburned!  Of course, when I say, “a little”, I mean that her back probably feels like my legs do…completely on fire.  I dislike walking right now because of the pain I’m in.  It is exhausting to sit without screaming.  I don’t think I’ve ever been burned this badly before.  And my back is almost as bad, but I’ve had the last couple days to adjust to that pain, so I don’t really feel it anymore…

My legs though.  Dear god my legs.

And Anna’s poor back.  I put aloe on Anna’s back and she moaned because it felt so good.  I don’t ever want to hear my sister make that sound again.  We hung out at a nearby mall for the hottest hours of the day (out of that damn sun!), and all she did was whine about her back.  I wanted to go back in the water later, but she wouldn’t because of her back.  And of course I didn’t want her sitting in the sun with her back as it was…so we left and are now at some random lady’s house.

Her name is Brooke.  She works with Val, the last person we stayed with.  Her home is absolutely gorgeous, just like Val and Doug’s, but in a more modern sense.  And she has wifi.  I got so excited about this dang wifi yo.  It was sad.

Anyway.  My computer is about to die, and the charger is buried under everything in my car; plus I’m way too lazy to even go out to my car at this moment.  I think it’s time for a nap, and then to go back out to the strip for some night life!

‘Till tomorrow!

Couch Surfing Day 3

We’re cheating tonight.

I loved being in the country.  The back roads were great for running, and yes it sucks sometimes not having wifi and cell reception, but it’s so freeing.  And they did have a computer and an actual telephone if some emergency were to arise.

But Anna wanted to be on the beach, so we’re on the beach.  For one night.  I made it very clear to her that it’s all I can afford.  I don’t even know if I can afford this.

We are staying at the cheapest, crappiest motel on the beach.  A couple blocks up, actually, but you know.  Close enough.  We can still hear the waves.  I love the waves.  And there is still salt in the air.  I can’t get enough of this.

There is no coffee at this motel.

I’m not sure how this is going to work out in the morning without me stabbing someone with the pretty pink pocket knife that I bought Anna on the way here – the first thing she did with it, by the way, was slice open her finger.  What am I going to do with her?!

Tomorrow night we’re staying on someone else’s couch.  She lives about a mile from the beach, and works with the lady whose place we were at before.  I like meeting these people. They’re all so sweet!

As promised, here’s the picture of me with a crab!  It’s not my favourite picture of me, but that crab sure is gorgeous (and made for some good eatin!)!!!

Image

CS Day 2

((Written on and for 18 June 2013))
Tonight our absolutely perfect hosts took me out on their boat! We watched the sun set on the bay. It wasn’t much to write home about sunset wise, but I did get to hold a crab (picture later)!
The lesson for today is, “what goes around comes around”.
Anna refused to lotion up my back today and I have a horrible sunburn on it now. I am not wearing a shirt to bed because cloth hurts, and she does not want to sleep in a bed with me if I’m not wearing a shirt.
So.
Guess she gets the floor!?

Couch Surfing Day 1!

Hey all!
There is no wifi and horrible cell reception here where my sister and I are couch surfing, so I won’t be able to respond to comments while we’re actually in the house! As I type this I actually have zero cell reception (dear Jesus please let it post)!

I’m used to always being connected. Always on the go and in the loop. This will be a nice break.

The people, Val and Doug, are absolute sweethearts. After being cooped up in the car with my sister for 11 hours all I wanted to do was go out for a run! Doug gave me the longest safety briefing in the world and told me to make sure I was back before dark – I guess drunk drivers are a bit crazy on these back roads. -_-

This is one of the most beautiful houses I’ve ever seen! It’s set back in the woods, and everything is so unique! Val said that they make most of their furniture themselves. And they have a vegetable garden. And they’re right on a river and have a canoe. And everything is perfect.

I’ll keep you up to date as much as possible.

-Molly

Stars

Hi.  My name is SrA Molly Clune.  I’m currently an Emergency Manager for the United States Air Force.

Tonight I am at home with my family.  I am extremely blessed in that I was able to take an entire week of leave in order to help my sister celebrate the fact that she graduated from High School – no small task for some!

My family lives in the country – the middle of nowhere New York.  This is where I was born and raised, and I miss it.

The past two years I have been stationed in Maryland, near DC.  There are lights everywhere, and it is always busy.  I miss the country.  The quiet.  The peacefulness.

After most of the crowd had left my sister’s party tonight, a select few “young adults” stayed behind to play a game we like to call “man hunt”.  This is like hide and go seek, except way scarier.  And darker.  Because, you see, “man hunt” can only be played at night.  Otherwise it’s normal hide and go seek.  Do you get the picture?

One of my friends was “it”, and “hunting” the rest of us after counting to one hundred on the porch.  The rest of us had scattered to different places around the lawn, and I was lying in the tall grass to one side of the drive way on my back – sort of like Timon and Pumba in “The Lion King”.  I looked up at the beautiful sky.  This is a sky that I cannot see in Maryland. There are so many lights.  There is so much hustle and bustle and movement…no one takes the time to look at the sky; and if they do, it’s almost impossible to really see it.

So this sky…the first thing I noticed was the Little Dipper, then the North Star, and then Orion’s Belt.  It’s sort of a cloudy night tonight, so the stars kept on being hidden by swift moving clouds (the clouds actually made me dizzy because of how fast they were moving!), and then coming out to play again.  There were so many of them!  So.  Many.  Stars.  Little pinpricks of brightness against the dark night sky.

I can’t help but miss that majesty when I am away from it.  All I want, for the rest of my life, is to be up there.  Among those stars.  I want to pave the way for others to see an even better view of the universe.  I want to help discover galaxies and be the inspiration for others to continue exploration into space.

This is why I want to be part of the Mars One Project.

Why would or wouldn’t you like to go to space?